living life the way it just is..
It’s been quite a while since I’ve been on Tumblr, but I’ve decided to just take some time off and write about what has happened during this past month. It’s been a true whirlwind, where everything is just not the way it seems. I always tend to get my hopes up way ahead of anyone else, and when someone does eventually let me down in some way, I tend to be the one that’s hurt the most. Funny, isn’t it? I never learn time after time that I just have to keep calm until things are all planned out, worked out, and confirmed 100%. Anyway, I’ve always been a maniac with getting good grades; but when I received my first ever report card from high school, nothing really staggered me. I didn’t feel a sense of joy or pride in myself but rather loneliness and solitude. Even today, getting an A+ on any assignment doesn’t excite me very often. Why is that? Well, as time passed, I realized that the only reason why I feel this way is that I’m looking way beyond the present and on to the future instead. Once I get an assignment back during class, whether it’s an A or an F, I just move on and start thinking about the next test that’s coming up. Ever since school has started, my brain has not been continuously focusing on one particular thing. It’s been going all over the place because everything was just going by way faster than my own steady pace. I’ve given a whole lot just to be where I am today. I’ve cut down on piano playing, singing, hangouts with friends, and even eating lunch just so that I can get that A in class; but yet, I feel like nothing has come back to me as a reward for doing all this. I feel like I’m working day and night just for a simple grade, but I don’t get anything or anywhere from it. Every week is somewhat of a new beginning for me. It has never been like that in the past though. Most importantly, never had I thought my life would flip over so badly. I don’t know if everyone is supposed to feel this way, but when I walk around in the hallways from class to class, all the people I see always have a sense of happiness in their appearance(s). I really don’t know how I’ll get by these four years; but if I do ever do so, it’ll definitely be a miracle. I have been looking forward to Thanksgiving break and winter break all along, but for some reason, I don’t know what in the world I plan to do during those periods of time. Oh well. Have a good day, you guys, and enjoy your lives while you can manage to remain joyous both externally and internally. God bless.
